


Soft Glow

by jeejaschocolate



Category: B-PROJECT 鼓動＊アンビシャス | B-PROJECT: Kodou Ambitious
Genre: Character Study, Fantasizing, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Sex, One-Sided Attraction, Spoilers for the last episode, Stalker/Yandere feelings and behavior, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeejaschocolate/pseuds/jeejaschocolate
Summary: Yashamaru closed his eyes as he smiled, waving the matter away. He needed to be light-hearted for this. “I just wanted to ask you something…”
The silence lingered painfully. “Hmm?” Yuuta asked, tilting his head to the side. 
There it was again. That soft glow Yashamaru knew so well, encircling Yuuta’s head like a halo.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Heheh, I actually wrote this. I have an excuse! There needed to be a Yashamaru character study because...yeah! And somebody needed to fall hard for Yuuta because Yuuta is a lovable pile of goodness (I love that guy, I love them all!). Besides, honestly? I really see this as head canon material. It's the classic angel/demon type romance. I'm into that!
> 
> Warning: Yashamaru may or may not be a creep (you decide), but he has some stalkerish/yandere-like thoughts. So be advised. 
> 
> Other than that, not too explicit (taking a break from hardcore smut, also something a little shorter, finally). Enjoy! :D

There was a whole world inside of him. A layered, carefully structured environment where the landscape constantly changed, depending on his mood. He liked his little internal world, actually. Very much.

Bright sunny skies. Friendly words floating around him, disembodied—there was no other person in that world, but even without another body he could hear the words he wanted to hear. It was the perfect thing. 

“Why, thank you,” he would say to himself. Eyes closed, seeing only the beautiful, peaceful environment he imagined when he was in high spirits. When he was proud of himself, or when he thought he deserved a short break. Sparkling pools of water and a comfortable lounging chair. He could bask in his pretend sun for hours.

Then when there were clouds….well, he had learned to contain a hurricane, a tsunami, an earthquake, anything really, all the disasters, inside his world. It was durable, yeah. It could withstand anything. Even the worst storms. The rage and the hatred that tore everything up from the roots. 

As a kid, his private world was his favorite place to stay. Better than any friend or family member (didn’t have much of either. Not anymore). He went there all the time, especially when the real world became a little too much.

These days, he didn’t have to worry about the real world getting him down. That was all behind him. He had everything in the palm of his hand now!

Well…mostly. 

There was the name—“Yashamaru Sakutarou”—created by himself, that raised no eyebrows. He actually really liked that name; it made a trill of excitement shudder inside his chest every time someone called him that. They didn’t even know…they didn’t have the slightest clue it was all fake! So exciting. Also, he had put a surprising amount of care into creating that name—not “Sakutarou” so much, but “Yashamaru”…it was a private joke. Between himself and his own world. He started calling himself that name in his own mind too, just to make sure he didn’t make any mistakes. Plus it was fun.

There was the job—going well. Damn near perfect, really. B-pro was getting more and more famous, Tsubasa was getting more and more attached to the boys. Gandara kept praising him—those sweet, delicious words he laughed off in reality and hoarded in secret. When he was alone, he would devour those words in huge bites, stuffing his face full of those heavenly compliments like a glutton. He overdosed on the praise, honestly. Those words sang through his inner world for days, until he perfectly memorized the lilt and phrasing of each sentence and could repeat them from memory.

“Nice job locking down the Dome Concert, Yashamaru-san! Great work!” 

“Ahh, Yashamaru-san! You’re so good to us! Thank you for everything!” 

“What would we do without you, Yashamaru-san?” 

“Wow, you’re so knowledgeable about this job, Yashamaru-san! You have the best connections in the business.”

Even offhand compliments turned him on. “Oh, you handled that for us? Thanks a lot!”

Of course, he would handle everything. He had to! He had to make sure everything went accordingly. And it was, so far. He was so good at this! Making a plan and then carrying it out. Could he secretly be a genius? Well, probably. It made sense. No one suspected a thing!

Or maybe his face was just that pretty—so beautiful that everyone trusted him on sight. Something so attractive surely could not be hiding anything underneath… He couldn’t contain a chuckle every time he thought about this whole world inside of him that no one knew about. The truth, hidden away from everyone! 

…Until the proper time of course. Could he wait that long? Yeah, he could. This secretive business was great, so stimulating. He could wallow in his hidden truth for years. And he did. 

Damn, he was so smart for coming up with this plan! It had so many perks. First of all, a good paycheck (and double income, really, from his secret other job). That meant a hell of a nice loft apartment, beautiful clothes, good meals. The amenities, which he treated himself to when he deserved it. 

Then there was the group he had chosen to make famous. “B-project”: MooNs, THRIVE, and Kitakore. These young men were all…easy on the eyes, he should say. 

Heh. 

No, but really, they were all gorgeous! Yashamaru was 100% gay and 100% secure in that. If there was one thing Yashamaru was an expert at (and there were many), it was himself. He knew himself inside and out. He had been attracted to men for as long as he could remember. And now he had ten (count them, ten!) men to gaze at to his heart’s content. They flaunted themselves for the world, danced around in their little outfits, totally aware of all the eyes on them…

He wondered if they got off on it: Being on display. Yashamaru certainly got off watching them, so that would be a fair trade. Ten exhibitionists and one voyeur—they could write a sitcom about it. (Actually…maybe they should…)

Yashamaru adored all the young men of B-project. Each one had his own unique charm. And he wanted to take them higher, to the heavens and beyond! To make them the most popular idol group in Japan, then in Asia, then maybe even the world; until everyone was in love with them the way they ought to be. It was fitting. 

…And of course, Yashamaru would be there with them always. Behind the scenes, watching and nodding in approval. Making sure they did as they were told. 

What a wonderful thing that would be. 

Except…there was one…

Yashamaru’s hidden world throbbed in painfully bright technicolor every time this thought crossed his mind. There was _him_ to consider….that one…

Shit. No, breathe. Breathe. 

There was nothing there. Not really. This whole thing (this… _feeling_ , he supposed) was getting blown way out of proportion. This happened sometimes; the one downside to living most of your real life inside your mind was that your thoughts tended to run away on their own sometimes. A single fleeting notion, if given too much attention, could take up a life of its own, growing legs and even a body… 

But, really, this was ridiculous. He didn’t care about this! No, these things were not…something he could feel anymore. This was a softer side of him that had existed at one point (he would admit that it had, when he was a boy) but not anymore. Certainly not!

This was not part of the plan. Therefore, it could not exist. 

The first time Yashamaru met _him_ was at a THRIVE photoshoot. The shoot was for a low-tier fashion magazine that had a small but reliable fanbase. The magazine was putting in a spread of new artists, promoting the little guys in the business with bright optimism. Yashamaru had already been aware of THRIVE (“sexy, moody, and the kid” as he had dubbed them in his mind) and was considering them for the third spot in B-pro. (He needed to make his pitch to Gandara solid as hell, so the third group would have to be the perfect fit.) He liked THRIVE’s vibe from the beginning, but he wanted to see them work first.

The three men brought nothing but themselves to that photoshoot. Kaneshiro folded his arms and frowned, his bad boy image completed down to a tee. Aizome tossed his bangs and smirked, making all the employees at the shoot simper despite themselves, and Ashuu...

…Well, Ashuu was trying to do this sort of cat-like pose, one hand curled around his chin like a paw, the other holding up two fingers in a bright “v” for victory or whatever. A strange mix of two nearly out of date poses that Yashamaru was surprised to see this late in the year. 

“Um…Ashuu-san…what, uh, pose are you going for with that?” one of the cameramen asked awkwardly.

“Eh?” Ashuu tilted his head to the side, pink hair shuffling around his face like swaying leaves on a tree as he moved. “This is my Super Nya-nya victory pose! It’s like… _Nyao_!” 

With that ‘nyao,’ Ashuu doubled down on the pose, his face shining all the brighter as he imitated a cat with one hand and a girl idol with the other. Yashamaru’s lips parted minutely, his jaw dropping only a fraction as he took in the unbelievable honesty of that pose. Ashuu was having fun with this. His smile, though pasted on his face for the shoot, looked real. 

Were idols really supposed to have that much fun doing this kind of thing? The ones Yashamaru knew just put on their smiles for the cameras, then pouted or flounced about like little children when the cameras were off. Most idols irked Yashamaru on principle. He hated their “I’m so over this” kind of vibe.

But Ashuu looked like he was having the time of his life making some idiotic pose for a no-name magazine spread. 

Really? No way it could be genuine.

“Uh…right…” The cameraman sighed. “But, um, how about something a little more natural? Or you know, something that…makes little more sense for our magazine?” 

“Oh.” Ashuu put his hands down. Yashamaru’s eyes widened as he expected the idol to begin his requisite spoiled brat session. But instead, the pink-haired young man smiled distantly and looked thoughtful. 

It seemed he was really thinking about a pose that could work.

“How about something like this?” Ashuu changed his pose into the picture of excitement, hunched down shoulders, clenched fists at his chest, eyes squeezed close as if making a wish. A tight, youthful smile on his lips. 

Adorable. The word rippled across the sky in his internal world; he could hear itin his head and see it wash over the landscape. So adorable… 

Yashamaru let out a puff of breath unconsciously. 

“Better!” The cameraman snapped some photos right away. “Now let your shoulders go, let’s see your eyes! Show us that million dollar baby face!” 

Ashuu complied with all the directions. With his smiling, wide eyed stare, mouth open as if he could barely contain his excitement…Yashamaru felt glued to the spot. This young man—Yashamaru scrambled through the magazine in his hand to find that man’s full name—far outshone the other two in his group. He was perfect innocence, enshrined in one beautiful, tantalizing body…!

Ashuu Yuuta. That was his name. Yashamaru committed the characters to memory and hid them under a rock in his inner world. He would hide this name from the others.

This boy was amazing. Not a shred of dishonesty. No way this could be an act…!

Sure enough, once the shoot was over, Yuuta walked happily back to the dressing room with his bandmates. He had a long stride (actually he was rather tall for his build, taller than Kaneshiro for sure), confident and unhindered by stress. He was going on about finding a small dessert shop nearby but it didn’t seem like the other two were listening.

To be fair, Yashamaru had already kind of forgotten their faces. His eyes honed in on Yuuta, throwing everything else into the background. 

Remembering suddenly why he came, Yashamaru strode over to THRIVE and made his introduction.

“Hello!” He bowed respectfully, blocking the three men’s path with his body. Surprise and curiosity spread like a passing breeze over Yuuta’s face. The other two, he was sure, looked surprised to see him, but Yashamaru could not remember. “My name is Yashamaru Sakutarou, and I’m a representative of Gandara. Did Daikoku-san tell you about us?”

“Umm…” Yuuta glanced to the side. It was awkward because it looked in a way like Yashamaru was only speaking to him…

“Oh, yeah, actually.” Kaneshiro spoke first. “Shuuji-san told us about you guys. Said you were thinking of putting together some type of…collaboration project?”

Yashamaru’s golden eyes flicked over to Kaneshiro for the first time. He sized up the rocker-type idol in one glance: Cocky, probably a good fuck, not exactly an overwhelming amount of musical talent, but able to cover that up with swagger and a generally bad attitude. 

Yashamaru knew that type. Not bad, but nothing special.

“Correct,” the Gandara representative replied, flashing another killer smile. He made sure to sparkle the most when meeting someone for the first time, no matter who it was. “We’re putting together a three-group idol project and after seeing your work at the shoot, I’d like you to be a part of it.” 

“Waah..!” Yuuta’s eyes glowed with excitement. “Really?!”

“But um…” Aizome spoke up. “Don’t you want to hear us sing first?”

Now this one…Yashamaru’s penetrating gaze turned to the blue-haired man. Ah, yes. This type. Woman-chasing, obsessed with his own image, flexible in terms of principle and preference, as long as his popularity didn’t decline. Beautiful as all hell, probably quite experienced in the bedroom. But a fake, deep down. 

Yashamaru shrugged internally. Meh. 

“No need!” Another smile, a light ‘fu-fu-fu’ under his breath. “I’ve already seen some tapes of your performances. Quite the talent you’ve got! I have to say, I’m very impressed. We’d love to have you on the project.” 

Yuuta looked like he was about to burst with happiness, immediately. Yashamaru’s heart sped up sympathetically. This man wore his heart on his sleeve, obviously, and everything he felt was contagious.

“Wait a second.” Kaneshiro folded his arms defensively. “This is way too sudden. Why do I feel like you’re tricking us?” 

Aizome rounded on his bandmate like they were enemies. “Why so defensive, Gou-chan? Don’t want to perform with another group? Afraid you won’t…measure up?”

How boring.

“Hell no!” Of course, Kaneshiro got his back up. His hands tightened into fists. “I just don’t want to get dragged down by some idiot wannabe groups, or to be pulled into a scam or some shit!” 

“Like anyone would want to scam you, Gou-chan,” Aizome said with a sigh, tossing his bangs again. “No one’s that interested in you, you know that, right? By the way, where were your fans at the shoot? I thought you said some people were coming—”

“Alright, alright!” 

The weird verbal fight came to an abrupt halt as Yuuta threw his arms across both his bandmates’ shoulders. He hung his body around them casually, laughing about the whole thing and cutting through the tension with expert precision.

So this was a common thing. And Yuuta seemed to be the one to handle it. Somehow he was the most mature…probably also the most clever. 

Ah, so adorable. 

“I’m sure Yashamaru-sama doesn’t want to listen to our friendly banter!” Yuuta laughed. “Besides, we haven’t even heard any of the details! Who are the other bands we’ll be performing with?”

And so, Yashamaru explained the details of B-project to the THRIVE. There was more bickering, all solidly quashed by Yuuta. In the end, they decided to go to a meeting at Daikoku Productions (with Shuuji as their representative) and discuss the deal. It was a successful encounter—they seemed likely to agree. Yashamaru was sure they would be the perfect addition to B-project—

Those unique, indescribable eyes (what color were Yuuta’s eyes? It was hard to nail down, pink and purple, some yellow in there as well? Like a rare precious gem). That smile. And that sweet, unselfconscious title he gave him: ‘Yashamaru-sama.’

Oh, way too formal! But…Yashamaru’s blood ran hot when he thought about that title. 

Alone for the day, the Gandara representative took stock of himself. He took out Yuuta’s name and rolled it around his tongue, calling up images of that young man. What an inimitable idol. No one Yashamaru had ever met was that innocent, nor that secretly mature. Yuuta was no kid, that much was obvious. He had a grown man’s soul and…something else. He saw things as he wanted to see them, with a light of enthusiasm that Yashamaru had never known. 

Fair to say, Yashamaru was intrigued. 

Thus, THRIVE became a non-negotiable asset to B-Project as far as Yashamaru was concerned. The others at Gandara were skeptical; they thought it would be better to have another group from Daikoku Productions instead of one from Brave Entertainment. Plus THRIVE was a relatively untested idol group. They had not been in the public eye very long. 

But Yashamaru insisted they use THRIVE. Let the idols speak for themselves, he said again and again. If THRIVE wanted to join, they would be the perfect match! Filling in the sexy and moody angle that was still lacking, and the aura of innocence everybody loved.

Everybody loved that, right?

When the others were still not convinced, Yashamaru went straight to the president himself. He presented his case directly to Atsushi, framed against the intimidating backdrop of the top office. He was hardly worried (Yashamaru didn’t get ‘scared,’ so to speak. He was beyond that), but he did speak with more genuine passion than usual. 

There was a kindling fire in his veins, thrumming through the rest of his body the more he talked about THRIVE. This was not part of the act, either.

That…was a little weird. Not scary, but…yeah. Odd.

Atsushi agreed to let THRIVE give their own consent. He hardly seemed to care, really. (That was weird, wasn’t the Brave Entertainment president his own brother or something? Did Atsushi even know…?) But at last! Success! 

In less than a week, THRIVE was signed onto the project. Yashamaru congratulated himself with a whole night alone in his apartment, lingering happily in his own little world. The sun felt brighter than ever! 

As time went on, Yashamaru spent a lot of time with B-project, getting the young men together more and more. He had anticipated THRIVE to be a wonderful addition, and they were, many feisty feelings all around. But he had not anticipated that his gaze would still fall to Yuuta before anyone else.

Oh, god. Yuuta outshone them all! 

Realizing that for the first time during one of their performances, Yashamaru felt the first quiver of fear he had felt in a very, very long time. Yuuta was not going to just fade into the background of this group. He could hardly be expected to mesh into their whole group fabric when he was a dazzling jewel among cotton! He was the shining star in a lineup of mediocre faces and talents. 

Yuuta was everything about B-project. Or at least, he was in Yashamaru’s mind.

…But this could not be! Yashamaru had not intended to actually _like_ any of those boys. He was supposed to adore them, to simper around their beauty like a doting uncle, to watch them from afar and be satisfied…but not to actually _see_ any of them. Not to develop a sense that he wanted to be…closer.

Closer? Yashamaru blushed deep red when he thought about it. (Only when he was alone, thank goodness!) What did it mean to be ‘closer’?

Certainly not dating! A representative could not date one of their idols; it was just not done, and probably spelled disaster for his plan. Such a stupid idea! 

Besides, Yuuta was not even really Yashamaru’s type! Yashamaru dated manlier guys, obvious tops, unflinchingly sexy. He had an eye for guys who could satisfy him the best sexually, and he always went with his gut (not disappointed so far!). These were the type of men that he could bring to office and show off, wallowing in the jealous looks from his female (and some male) coworkers. Happy as hell that he had something everyone else wanted. 

But those men were all toys. There were no feelings involved. Hardly! Getting off was fun, being the envy of all was better, and there was always another hottie waiting in the wings when Yashamaru required. His relationships never lasted and he never wanted them to. It was the perfect arrangement! Another reason to love his life now, to pat himself on the back for being so clever…

And now this?! A lingering _want_ in the pit of his stomach every time he saw Yuuta. A feeling like his skin was simmering with the radiant beauty from this man… The soft glow of beauty and light that Yuuta carried with him everywhere shed an uncomfortable ray of honesty onto Yashmaru’s hidden world. Yuuta was a piece of reality Yashamaru could not filter.

He was adorable. A true angel, come from heaven to grace the earth with his heartfelt kindness and ethereal looks. 

“No. No. I…” 

His world trembled as he imagined Yuuta’s small dance moves from his last performance. Wiggling his shoulders, kneeling down and smiling brightly at the audience. Jutting his hips to the side. Those magnificent hips…Yashamaru’s hands quivered as he thought about touching those hips. 

…In all honesty, there was one quality that Yashamaru found irresistible. He knew this, he had always known this was part of himself (he was his own expert, after all, no denying it). The thing that Yashamaru was attracted to the most was brightness.

Yes, brightness. An indescribable quality of innocence, beauty, and happiness that Yashamaru sought out in all his men. Even the toys. They had to have a good smile, at least, for Yashamaru to want to fuck them. They had to have a good heart. 

Yashamaru did not really know why this was. He himself was hardly a good person (obviously, no question there). So why did he want to be with someone good? Well…because…that goodness, when wrapped around his body or pressed up against him while he slept…that goodness made him feel warm. Really warm. Comfortable, safe. Whole, in some way.

That goodness made Yashmaru forget himself. It was a dangerous want.

That’s why he spent a fair amount of time trying to convince himself that his feelings for Yuuta were not really there. It was his mind playing tricks on him or something. He could not possibly want to risk everything for a chance to be closer to Yuuta. Not now, when everything was going so well!

But if brightness was what he wanted (and it was), then Yuuta was like an injection of unfiltered sunlight in a pitch black room. He was the real thing. The personification of everything Yashamaru’s heart desired, painful to look at because of his natural glow.

There was no denying that glow.

Things were a little easier when Yashamaru did not have to work with Yuuta. If he could sit farther away from him at a long table (or…closer, just to prove there was nothing going on, sabotaging himself unbelievably in spite of everything!). If he could thrust more responsibilities on Tsubasa and give himself some space to think…

Yet, Yashamaru did not really want that. He wanted to be near Yuuta. If he went more than three days without seeing him, he would get this feeling of dejectedness. Depression. It rained inside him and he felt bored and distantly angry with everything.

He needed Yuuta’s light. Sometimes, at least. It was so, so good. There were no substitutions. 

So, Yashamaru found himself watching Yuuta’s patterns. He committed the young man’s behaviors to memory, knowing what he was most likely to do in response to things that happened. He knew where Yuuta liked to go, who his closest friends were in B-project (Korekuni Ryuuji, of course). He made a mental schedule of Yuuta’s daily activities so he could know roughly where Yuuta might be at any given time. At least, to be able to guess. 

This was important. He needed a ‘just in case’ scenario to work from. And…he loved knowing things about Yuuta.

His favorite TV shows. Where he liked to shop for clothes. His brand of body spray…ah, that was a precious piece of information. Yashamaru bought the same cologne and sprayed it in his apartment on a good day. A small reward.

That spray did wonders for him. He would go to his world and be able to imagine that Yuuta was there with him—for the first time ever, there was another body in his internal world. Strange but…fitting. Yuuta’s smiling face, his puffy pink hair, and those jewel-like eyes were like a second sun in there. He would revel in his boy’s radiance, smiling to himself and letting himself get aroused slowly. Slowly, slowly… Let it drag out… Savor it.

He truly savored every hard-on he got from thinking about Yuuta. To satisfy himself, he would imagine Yuuta with no clothes on—naked, standing in front of him. 

“Ah…”

That was so good. Such a slim, lanky body. Would Yuuta even know what to do with his own body? Yashamaru could show him. He would let Yuuta do anything. Take him fast or take him slow. Fuck him hard or make love to him like a husband…

“Ah!” 

Too good. He imagined Yuuta on one knee, proposing to him. The pink haired man would hold out a ring box, cheeks tinted red from all his excitement and a little bit of bashfulness. Yuuta would not stutter when he asked Yashamaru to spend his life with him. No. He would be ready. He would know exactly what he wanted and go through with it like the determined little cherub he was.

_“Yashamaru-sama, will you…be with me for the rest of our lives? Forever?”_

“Mmm…” Yashamaru felt like he was bursting with light and happiness. He flipped his hair as he started to masturbate. One hand on his cock, the other on his cheek in feigned embarrassment. 

“Me? Are you sure you want me?” (He was talking aloud, to himself, as usual.)

_“Yes!”_ Those magnificent eyes the sharpened with sincerity. _“It has to be you, Yashamaru-sama! I don’t want anyone else!”_

Ah, fuck yes…that…He jerked himself harder and harder, digging his nails into the arm of the chair where he was sitting. His toes began to curl as those imaginary words washed over him again and again.

“Oh…Yuuta…of course I’ll stay with you…always!”

_“Waah! I’m so happy! This is the best day of my life! Will you marry me?”_

“Yes! Yes! I will…I—”

Yashamaru always climaxed so fast when he thought about Yuuta. It was weird because sometimes his fantasies weren’t even about sex. There was…more. 

Ah. Well…wow. 

His orgasms felt mind-blowingly good, and coming down from that high was exquisite in its own way. But afterwards, he needed to try and make peace with his own feelings.

It was the only way to move on. Otherwise Yashamaru would not want to face another day living the great lie of his life—this quest for revenge, was it really so important? Was seeing the look on Tsubasa’s face when she realized he had royally screwed her on purpose going to be so good it would be worth…all this denial?

“Shit fuck damn it cunt douchebag asshole bitch! God…bitch!” 

Yashamaru gripped his hair hard as the stream of obscene, uncouth words left his mouth. He snarled and pulled his hair as he tried to forget what he had just thought. He could not afford to start questioning himself now. No matter how much it hurt. Even if it ripped him apart to keep living in the shadow of this lie! He could not back down! This plan was everything! 

The plan was who he was, really. Without it, he was nothing. 

So no. He could not love Yuuta, he just couldn’t. Even if he already did. He would pay it no mind. Just keep…doing as he was doing maybe…not hope for anything more.

There wasn’t anything more.

He looked at himself in the mirror. “You can’t get married,” he told himself darkly. “He doesn’t love you back. He doesn’t notice you outside of work. He didn’t even remember your birthday last year. He’s just an idol, an airhead. He’s nothing.”

He took another deep breath. “You are everything. You are smart, you are cute, you’re beautiful. You’ll win this thing. You’ll show them all. They’ll never forget you and what you did. You’ll be the best. You are the best…” 

He whispered his real name into the dark.

“You’re the real star.” 

Silence and darkness answered his words. The usual mantra had started to feel like a lie some time ago, but he tried to ignore the feeling. Ignore that weird swell of loneliness and disappointment. Pretend he knew everything. Pretend he could see the future and knew that it would be something he wanted.

It was harder to lie when you were the only person around. 

____________________________________________________

After the RAIZIN festival, Yashamaru came to a realization. He was living three lives now. One as his representative persona, one as himself underneath everything…and one as a man who was in love with Ashuu Yuuta. 

Watching Yuuta perform in the rain had been nothing short of spellbinding. All those water droplets, running down Yuuta’s beautiful body, accentuating his skin into a wet piece of mouthwatering goodness…how could any warm blooded man not desire that boy? Yashamaru wanted to run on stage and wrap him in a blanket, steal him away from the rest of the world. Devour that wet, pointy-toothed angel…

This love was a part of him. This want. It was just another layer. He could afford another layer to his soul. There were already so many! It made sense, when he thought about it like that.

Before they went home from the RAIZIN festival, before THRIVE climbed onto their bus that would take the back to their apartment, Yashamaru approached Yuuta. It was not his first time walking up to this man, not his first time talking to him. 

But it was the first time Yashamaru was planning on letting a little bit of his true soul shine through. He could not hide it any longer. He needed to reveal some of it to Yuuta or else he would go completely insane. (He could not just sit there barking into the dark like some lunatic! No! He was a man of action. Smart, calculated action. He needed to act.) 

How would Yuuta respond? Well. That made all the difference, didn't it?

“Ah, Ashuu-san!” 

A pink head of hair bobbed once as Yuuta stopped in his tracks and turned around on the sidewalk. As luck would have it, Yuuta was the last person to get on the bus. (Actually, it was not luck, Yashamaru knew the man’s habit and he always let himself be last.) This time, Yashamaru had approached him from the doorway of the building, calling Yuuta back before he left.

Those sparkling eyes fixed onto Yashamaru and widened in recognition. Yuuta called to THRIVE and told them he would be a minute, gesturing to the representative as explanation. They nodded and immediately began tuning him out, putting in their ear buds disinterestedly, getting ready for a long trip back.

Yuuta jogged over to Yashamaru. Wisps of pink hair jostled in the breeze, a natural reaction to his movement. As always. And as always, Yashamaru felt his chest tighten, his body seeming to weaken the closer Yuuta got to him. He wanted to run his hands through that hair. To bury his face in it…

“Hey, Yashamaru-sama! Glad you caught me! What’s up?” 

That smile. Why was Yuuta so relaxed around him? Well, he was relaxed around everyone. He gave off an aura of uninhibitedness. …So cute.

“Oh, nothing especially important!” Yashamaru closed his eyes as he smiled, waving the matter away. He needed to be light-hearted for this. “I just wanted to ask you something…” 

Then, he trailed off. The silence lingered painfully.“Hmm?” Yuuta asked, tilting his head to the side. 

There it was again. That soft glow Yashamaru knew so well, encircling Yuuta’s head like a halo. The sight of that gave him enough strength to keep going.

“Well, you know that I’ll be staying in the Omi province for a few more days to wrap up everything with RAIZIN. The rest of the group seems to want Omi beef…I guess I do owe you all…” He laughed again, spreading some hopefully unforced nonchalance. “But I was wondering…”

He stopped, stared directly into Yuuta’s eyes. He could feel his own golden eyes burning. (Don’t be too intense, he prayed, don’t be too much to handle…)

“…Was there anything you want as a souvenir, Ashuu-san? Something just for you, perhaps?”

Yuuta’s eyes widened. He smirked playfully, bouncing his eyebrows. “Just for me? Um…why do you ask?”

Yashmaru shrugged. “No reason! Only that you don’t strike me as the type to enjoy just beef by itself as a gift. And I wanted to be fair, you know. Naturally!”

Yuuta seemed to stutter for a moment as he wrapped his brain around that. “Ah…ha…!” He rubbed the back of his neck, swiveling his hips self-consciously. 

Oh…did he know what that little swivel did to Yashamaru? The representative damn near lost it when he saw that. 

“You don’t need to think of me so much, Yashamaru-sama.” Yuuta shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “I’m fine with the Omi beef.” 

“Would you like some taiyaki as well? They have a matcha flavor here I’m told is quite good…” 

Yuuta gasped a little on reflex. As expected. The boy swallowed immediately, around what was no doubt some saliva pooling at the thought of taiyaki, a notorious local sweet that B-project had had no time to sample for themselves. Yuuta definitely wanted one! It was written all over his face. 

“Umm…well…I mean…” Yuuta laughed nervously. Oh how delicious he looked when he was trying to hold back! A new sight. “If it’s…not too much trouble for you, Yashamaru-sama…of course taiyaki sounds delicious but I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all.” Yashamaru tried to make his voice sound as warm as possible. He knew he had some warmth in him, somewhere. “I’ll be taking food back as it is. What’s a little more? Especially considering how much there is to enjoy from sweet food.” 

Yuuta’s whole face lit up. “Yeah, you’re right! You like sweets too, Yashamaru-sama? That’s great! Sure, I’d love to have some taiyaki!” 

“Wonderful.” A smile with a mind of its own spread across the representative’s face.

“As long as you get some for yourself too! Oh, and get one for Ryuu-chan as well! I know he’d love it.”

That smile faltered a fraction. “Of course.” 

“Great! Thank you so much, Yashamaru-sama!"

Yuuta fixed Yashamaru with an appreciative, warm expression. His face said that he was truly thankful for the display of thoughtfulness, not suspicious in the least about what the representative’s intentions were. He looked as if he were seeing Yashamaru in a new light—like a real person.

A person. This person. The person who Yashamaru was then was more real than anything he had shown before. It made his heart swell to know that Yuuta had seen his personhood, even if just for a moment. That his personhood had made Yuuta smile such an adorable smile.

“Well, better get on the bus! Everyone’s waiting for me! Thanks again, Yashamaru-sama!” With a wave, he walked off. 

“You’re welcome.” Yashamaru realized Yuuta could probably not hear him, he had waited too long to say those words. But still. They sounded so weird on his tongue. A genuine display.

Yuuta was honestly welcome. Any time, he wanted to say. He could ask anything of Yashamaru. Didn’t he know that…? (No probably not, but still.)

Maybe after all this, Yashamaru would start giving Yuuta little gifts more often. Nothing big. A sweet here and there (that seemed to be a reliable option). Maybe some new clothes, things he was sure Yuuta would like to wear. Maybe a new cell phone…with Yashamaru’s number already programmed in it, just in case. 

Little things, that’s all! He wanted to give Yuuta more (much, much more), but he needed to start somewhere.

And what a successful start this had been! Yashamaru glowed for days after that encounter. Then even more after he delivered the taiyaki to Yuuta and Ryuuji (who, for the most part, seemed unperturbed and unmoved by the gift. That lackadaisical cat…). 

Such a glow his boy wore when he ate that taiyaki. So sensual and good. Yashamaru wanted to grab that glow and store it inside himself somewhere. Pull it out later when he could savor it. Alone…with the body spray, his own thoughts, and his own world…

Ah. It would be magnificent.

 

 

 

The end   (...Or is it....?)

**Author's Note:**

> Real talk, I have a lot of ideas I could write for these two. But in some ways I don't know if I should?? Let me know what you think about this one, I'm interested to know ;) 
> 
> Super star reboryu danger mutekki and all that! Thanks for reading!


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